April 29, 2010

Cornellians Say the Funniest Things

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Cast Your Votes

Gimpy Girl: Who would want to dry hump when you can wet hump?

— Downtown Ithaca

Close Encounters

Guy (Guru): It’s my theory that they put the Engineering Quad next to Collegetown just because that’s the only way engineers would ever see girls — when they cut through the Quad on the way to class.

— Libe Cafe

Baby Mama Drama

Undergraduate Chick: And then my dad said, “What if the Virgin Mary was actually just blacked out?”

— Stimson Hall

Shoes (Not) Made For Walkin’

Sorority Girl 1: Hey how’s it going? What are you doing at the bus stop?

Sorority Girl 2: Waiting for the bus, obviously.

SG1: Why? It’s a beautiful day!

SG2: Because I’m a freshman and I wear cute shoes!

SG1: True …

— Cornell University

Sorry, Drake

Adamant Student: Slope Day is not about the music — it’s about waking up, eating pancakes and getting drunk.

— Ag Quad

All Wired Up

Engineer Girl 1: Hey, thanks for stripping for me.

Engineer Girl 2: No problem, I’ll be your stripper any time.

— Engineering Lab

Welcome Class of 2014

CALS Ambassador:  Oh look, little pre-frosh! Go back to your cribs, babies.

— North Campus

Original Author: Jessica Stitt