The Stars Are AlignedGirl 1: He lives in my building, and I just want to screw him!Girl 2: OMG He lives in your building?! That’s like fate’s way of telling you to have a friends with benefits relationship!— Outside Olin Library
Love is in the AirDesperate girl: Who needs a guy when you’ve got AIRRR!!! (Starts humping the air).
Future Nobel Prize RecipientGuy on cell phone: The other day, when I was on shrooms, I had this idea. Maybe people gain weight because when they eat they are trying to take in the entire universe.— Collegetown
Just to ClarifyGuy Outside Party: People say no-homo after everything now. For example: Itotally made out with that dude last night; no-homo.— Collegetown
High AspirationsTwo girls talking to a confused guyGirl 1: So, we’ve decided we want to become MILFs.Girl 2: It’s kind of a life goal— Arts Quad
Late For A Very Important DateConfused Guy: Wait a minute. It comes at six o’clock and thirty seconds? Am I reading that right? This makes no sense…— Green St. Bus Station
Do I Smell Pork-Fried Rice?Middle-aged guy: Hey, is that a Chinese place I smell? Is there a Chineseplace around here?Student: It’s Japanese.Middle-aged guy: Applebee’s? That’s Applebee’s that we’re smelling?Student: No, Japanese.Middle-aged guy: (beckons family over) Hey, c’mon guys, there’s a Chineseplace over here! Is it all-you-can-eat? No, we must be too late for thebuffet… — Kyushu Hibachi Restaurant
Original Author: Rachel Neville