With the first three weeks of my senior year already gone, I am starting to realize that I am way behind on becoming an actual person. With “Real Life” around the corner, many of my friends are either locked in their rooms studying for the LSATS, or they are gloating about the job offers they have already received (goddamn engineers). I, on the other hand, am sitting on my ass, twiddling my thumbs and occasionally trying to think of a career path for myself. And going out five nights a week. My future hangs in the balance, yet I don’t know how to grab it and make it something worthwhile. When it comes up that I am a history major, people assume law school is my next step. When I shake my head, they go for the next-best teacher option. When given another negative response, they have nothing more to ask me. And I have nothing more to say. That is, I had nothing more to say; not until I decided to have my Career of the Day stratagem. All I do is think of an awesome job, announce it to my housemates, then quickly realize how difficult it will be to actually get that job. It’s good to have goals. And now I have something interesting to add to the post-graduation conversation.My first idea was to be either a firefighter or a cop. That’s pretty doable, isn’t it? You just have to go to the police academy or something. That’s basically like grad school. Take some test and then I’ll automatically be undercover, fighting organized crime with Leonardo DiCaprio. Or I could be a Statie and mess with people driving to and from Cornell (what else do those guys have to do?). Though I don’t know how good I’d look in those weird riding pants and wide-brimmed hat. And while firefighters are pretty badass, I don’t know how I feel about sweating that much all the time. And heat exhaustion doesn’t sound like much fun. So maybe those aren’t the best ideas for me.After giving up on becoming a cop, my natural progression is obviously to decide to become a bank robber. This idea received a lot of enthusiasm from my housemates. Discussions of traveling to Antwerp to rob the diamond capital of the world came up, as well as my increasing excitement about the release of the new movie The Town. If Ben Affleck can do it, anyone can. The next day I decided to become a hitman. This idea comes purely from the fact that every time I come home one of my housemates is playing the videogame Hitman on our Xbox (if you couldn’t tell, he’s one of my friends who already has a job). Despite the obvious benefits of this career path, I am not the most stealthy person in the world. I’ve been known to knock over anything within a three-foot radius, and I often walk into doors instead of through them. Noise tends to follow me. The two most recent careers of the day have been ghostbuster and space cowboy. Then I quickly remembered that I am scared of both ghosts and outer space. I am not exactly the best at thinking things through.Then I remembered what I announced to my housemates my first day back in Ithaca during O-week. I decided that I was going to be a failed writer. It is the ultimate way for me to utilize my liberal arts education. The shabby clothes fashion style would fit my budget, as my income would be very minimal, and I would have lots of other side jobs, which I would easily get because of how well rounded I am (and as all Cornell students are). It is the perfect career goal. And it is so easy to reach that goal, since I am already a failed writer! I have never written anything before, and thus, by default, I am a failed writer. But wait, I hadn’t written anything before I foolishly wrote this column. Shit, I’ve managed to screw that idea up to. I guess I’m back to square one.Becca Goldklang is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She may be contacted at email@example.com. Guest Room appears periodically this semester.
Original Author: Becca Goldklang