As if the Red Scare in the Cold War wasn’t enough to freak us, we also had to worry about air raids and having enough food to supply us in the event that the Russians suddenly acted upon their desires to take away our freedom. Well The Office teased us with our fears by a scary opening sequence where the lights have gone out and the only face to be seen is Dwight’s under a torch light. Ugh, I just got the heebie jeebies. Due to a power failure, and as a resident of High Rise 5, I can attest to the fact that they are never fun, everyone is unsure of what is going on. The only person that seems to be prepared is Dwight who is ready to lead everyone to a shelter where there is enough food for 14 days. Leave it to Dwight to prepare for such dire situations. In any case the power comes back on. Hallelujah! But wait, of course there is still something wrong. In order to get the servers Jim and everyone else needs a password that was created 8 years ago. Suggestions suddenly start coming from every direction and involve things like “Password, 00000000, Lord of the Rings”. Pam decided to bring up Lord of the Rings because she figured, why not mention anything that happened 8 years ago? Can you believe it’s been 8 years since the last Lord of the Rings movie? Anyways, Erin goes on to say “ Well everyone was getting their driver’s license”. Yes Erin, because everyone like Creed, Daryl, Phyllis and Stanley was 16, 8 years ago. Gotta love the unintelligent. Michael suddenly remembers that whatever the password was made him laugh but offended Pam greatly. To which the first suggestion is Big Boobs. Dwight then tweaks it to Big Boobz with a Z and lo and behold they have their password! So begins this week’s episode of The Office! The majority of the episode is based around the rather twisted relationship between Ryan and Michael. Both are super excited about Ryan’s venture into the business world with his business idea known as “Woof”. You know the source that links email, texts, fax and basically all forms of technology together. Ryan and Michael seem the most enthusiastic though we soon learn that other office members are also involved in the business venture. Pam just shoves off Erin’s suggestion that Ryan is using the Office material for the wrong reasons. Why? Well Pam has invested in Woof. Though I don’t know why considering it’s Ryan’s brainchild. His lack of seriousness is seen when he and Michael discuss on getting new investors for Woof.
Ryan: “ New Investors are key, that’s why I came in today”Michael: “ Don’t you work here full time?”
While Michael and Ryan are busy discussing the amount of time Ryan is devoting to working, Dwight is literally taking his time off and running the “Hay Place”. His business is all hay. I mean he distinguishes between show bales of hay and play bales and to top if off the day ends with a goat roast. Not hay related but ultra weird regardless. Angela makes her appearance with a little cheer, “ Hay Dwight.”
While Dwight and Angela are getting or trying to get busy, Jim is busier making the greatest sales of the year. While describing his baby feeding abilities for Cici, he believes, “ If I can seem mushed carrots seem better than a boob, I can sell anything.” An excited Jim goes to Kevin to find out how much money he will end up making and finds out that his net total is 0. Unfortunately with the new commission cap Jim will end up making 0 till the end of the fiscal year. With no incentive to work Jim goes off and starts organizing everything he lays his eyes. Before he goes of however, he has a conversation with Gabe. Gabe describes the situation to Jim via a personal anecdote.
Gabe: “ When your working with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with the policies you don’t like. I wish my gym didn’t allow full nudity in the locker room, seeing all those naked guys walking around naked seems almost passive aggressive, but I deal with it because it’s policy…think about your commission cap as a naked old man in the gym”.
Ok Gabe, because that makes sense.
Yelling out the word SEX, doesn’t make sense either but Michael yells it anyway to get everyone’s attention. The conversation goes something like this
Michael: “Sex”Stanley: “You don’t have our attention”Michael: “Money”Stanley: Perks upKevin: “ You had me at sex”Michael: “Pervert”Phyllis: “ You can have all our attention just by screaming anything”
So begins the Woof conversation in which an overly enthusiastic Ryan tries and actually succeeds in selling his ideas. Surprisingly Pam is not the only one who has invested, another investor includes Stanley who let’s everyone know, “ Yes I have a dream and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse and I want to live at the top and nobody knows I live there and there’s a button I can press to launch that lighthouse into space”.
Unfortunately, Stanley’s dreams are crushed in the sense that Washington University is the only one who has expressed an interest in Ryan’s company. However, many of The Office colleagues decide to invest and put their input for the company. Oscar mentions how it can be made as an emergency notification system to which Ryan replies, “ It’s not a digital rape situation”. However the real shocker comes when Oscar alerts everyone that the business will run out of money in exactly 9 days! Michael’s only response, “ But we are going to go on an investors ski trip, I bought my pole’s”. Ryan’s inability to create something substantial is finally blowing up in his face.
Back at the Hay Place, Dwight is busy giving everybody Hay Rides on a truck. He really takes Hay Day to another level when he mentions how the entire day is based on the crown given out in the end to the Hay King.
Dwight: “ I’ve always wanted to be Hay King, but the world shines on Mose”. While he is realizing how badly he wants the title, a little girl comes up to him to let him know that she has found the needle in the haystack.
Dwight: “You know what the prize is?”Girl: “ No”Dwight: “ Nothing. Life lesson: some things are not worth doing”.
If only the bajillion problem sets that Cornell gives me would also fall under Dwight’s life lesson of “things not worth doing”. If only. Meanwhile a rather frustrated Angela is waiting for Dwight to show up so that they can fulfill their contract to fornicate.
Back at the office, Ryan is off telling everyone about Wuphf and it’s future. He pulls out t-shirts and condoms while avoiding all the ways to come up with actual ideas for the company. Of course Kelly comes in and yells at Ryan about how he stole her idea.
Kelly: “ I wish there was a way I could do everything all at once and I would just be this little dog going woof woof woof”
Of course, manipulative Ryan calms her down by hugging her and giving her some love. At the same time the rest of the investors are becoming worried that they have invested in quite possibly the worst idea possible. Daryl asks Ryan “ What part of Washington University wants it?” To which Ryan replies, “ The public health fund”. Now us Cornellians can put two and two together. WUPHF! Washington University wants Ryan’s company for the domain name, something Ryan was already aware of. Now everyone knows that they are doomed. Everyone wants to sell except for Michael and Ryan. Michael thinks that he and Ryan want it the most because they have invested the most. Unfortunately he finds out that Ryan has invested nothing. Oh Michael, how you have been played.
While everyone is panicking at the office, Angela herself seems to be panicking as she is waiting for the man of her dreams to come and wisk her away. While she is waiting the guy from HEROES ( Jack Coleman) comes and flirts with her! He actually finds her funny and let’s Angela know that she has the ability to make some jokes, something that really makes her feel um…not worthless. As she and her new boy toy leave, a screaming Kevin is seen being lost in the Hay Maze. Hopefully he’ll be out by the morning.
Kevin is not the only one suffering, Michael is finally told by Pam, that Ryan is a manipulative snitch who has been abusing the one-way special bond that seems to be between Michael and him. While they are conversing, Pam tries to convince him to sell so that all the other people Michael loves can be saved. Will Michael listen?
As Michael contemplates what to do about the situation, Jim contemplates what to do with his spare time. He goes to Meredith and says, “ Ooooo waiting time, here we go”. To which he get’s a quick response from her as she snarls, “ Hey back off it’s solitaire”. Meanwhile Creed and Jim find ways to kill time. Gabe comes by and let’s Jim knows, “ Can you at least try to look busy”. Jim then plays around with Jo Bennets audio book. What could he be doing with that? We will soon be finding out.
Walk into the supply closet a.k.a Ryan’s workstation and you see him playing games. Michael stops him and decides to test their friendship. After asking about the business, Ryan tells Michael that pretty soon they will be flying in private planes with private dinners. To which Michael lets him know that they do not even have dinner together now. When Michael invites him to dinner that night, Ryan refuses thereby confirming Michael’s suspicion about their friendship.
Back at the Hay Day event, Dwight as always, gets his title when he declares himself as the “Hay King”.
Dwight: “Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.”
As an egotistical Dwight claims his crown, it looks like Angela has found a new man. All she leaves him is her contract that she is clearly not interested in keeping.
Meanwhile, the Ryan and Michael situation seems to be getting a little bit more tense. When everyone says they want to sell out, Michael says that he doesn’t.
Michael: “ I do not agree to sell which is to say nay”Daryl: “ What is wrong with you? What happened to you in high school?”
Little does Daryl know that Michael has a plan up his sleeve. Michael gives Ryan a limit of 9 days to come up with a solution, something that he hasn’t done before. In the meantime Michael goes on to describe a bunch of his fellow colleagues.
Michael: “ The world sends people your way. Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here, no idea where Creed came from, the point is you have to play with the cards your dealt with. Jim, that guys is an ace. Dwight is my king up my sleeve, Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That’s easy give me a hard one. That’s what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card that you throw away. Pam is a solid 7, Ryan is a 2 but sometimes 2’s can be wild. I am obviously the joker”. As he describes the scene we see a frustrated Ryan throwing things everywhere. Pretty soon Michael get’s a woof that Ryan Howard has decided to sell. To this Michael let’s out a “Thank God”.
The episode ends by Jim prank calling Gabe and letting him think that Jo is bossing him around and instructing him to read her book. Poor Gabe, you messed with the wrong man. This episode was not only funny but seemed to capture or summarize all the characters really well. Each character is show through Michael’s eye but perhaps it is the relationship between Michael and Ryan that is the most interesting. It seems that even before Pam went to Michael, he knew that he was being taken advantage of. Even then, Michael considers Ryan’s feelings and lets him know that he still has faith in him. Michael realizes that Ryan will fail but at least he doesn’t let Ryan know that. It actually is a moment where Michael seems the most humane and normal one out of all of them.
Original Author: Aishini Thiyagarajan