December 7, 2010

Glee Recap: How Sue Sylvester Stole Christmas

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The last episode of the first half of Glee’s season, “A Very Glee Christmas”, was just the study distraction I needed to get my head out of the books and my mind off finals. I was shocked when I found out this week’s episode would again be a themed one, and entirely Christmas at that. Despite the extreme liberalism of America and the notion of separation of church and society, Glee was able to bust out an hour of prime-time Christmas carols, straight off their new album. American capitalism at its best!

Anyways, the episode opens up with the McKinley High teachers picking Secret Santa gifts, and who does Mr. Schuester get but SUE.

The glee kids are all getting in the holiday spirit, and oh hey! Look, a song! I almost forgot this show was about singing! The cast picks an odd choice for the first number, “Most Wonderful Day of the Year” from that claymation Rudolph movie. I’m not impressed as they all dance around the giant Christmas tree singing merrily, narrating the “misfit toys” from the movie. Don’t these kids have work? I also don’t understand why that “large” girl is still there? Is she going to be a permanent member or is she there just for the food?

Well Mr. Schu has a great idea for the club to get into the spirit and practice their singing. The club will carol to raise money to help out a local homeless shelter for young orphans. However, the first classroom they attempt to serenade with “We Need a Little Christmas” doesn’t go so well when the kids yell out in disgust and the teacher throws a shoe at the glee carolers.

Artie and Brittany start talking about what they want for Christmas and we see that Brittany still believes in Santa! So the group takes a trip to the mall where a very African American Santa Claus impersonator explains to naive Brittany that he not only is “a little tan” but that he wants to know what she wants for Christmas. And in that tiny, vacant space she calls a brain, Brittany sincerely asks Santa to grant Artie the gift of mobility for Christmas. (Awwwww)

Little miss precious aka Rachel tries to get Finn to accept her apology for hooking up with Puck by offering a free ballad. Because he would most definitely feel SO much better after being serenaded by his hussy adulteress. So Finn denies the gift and says he’s not ready to forgive her. Commence typical sad Rachel song where Lea Michele once again looks like she is in need of some gas medication. “Merry Christmas Darling” has Rachel performing a solo on stage and once again I am forced to wonder “What frickin school has a snow machine just chillin in their auditorium?” The song follows a montage of sad sights for Ms. Berry, including Finn and Santana decorating the tree. She sulks through the hallways and I can’t tell if its the fact that she’s Jewish and can’t join the Christmas celebration or the fact that her awkward granny clothes from season one have evolved to more revealing yet still awkward clothes that makes her so sad.

Cut to a room in the Dalton academy where Kurt is approached by Blaine to help with a song he is working on. They break out into “Baby it’s Cold Outside” and although this duet is usually a male/female combo, Kurt’s soprano voice does the trick. The modern twist on the song and chemistry between the actors made the number work. However, the two chase each other around the room, getting very close, and we can cut the sexual tension with a knife. The long awaited kiss between the two doesn’t happen, but love still seems to be in the air.

When the teachers exchange gifts for the Secret Santa, to everyone’s surprise they have all picked Sue out of the hat. Upset, the teachers retreat but later take back all their gifts claiming Sue had wrongfully rigged the exchange, Schu decides he will give the gifts to the orphanage. Too bad, she got six shake weights! I kinda wanted one for Christmas.

To keep Brittany’s faith alive, Artie convinces coach Bieste to dress up like Santa and explain to Brittany her wish can not be granted.

Sue begins her usual scheming ways and dresses up like the Grinch to go back and steal the presents from the glee club. For what reason she needed to put on the suit and apply green face makeup just to walk down the hallway I do not know but it was hilarious nonetheless. Becky (Lauren Potter) is of course the grinch’s dog, adorned with ears and one antler to complete the Seuss spoof. The hilarious scene commences as Becky pulls Sue on a sleigh to the choir room where Lynch proceeds to steal all the presents, destroy all the Christmas decorations, and decimate their tree, all to the sound of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”. After her diabolical deed is done, Sue is about to leave when Brittany (of course dressed like Cindy Lu Who with curled-up braids) comes to add a present to the tree and is shocked to see Santa. The green-covered Sue, following the plot of the childhood tale, explains she was merely fixing a lightbulb and dumbass Brittany accepts and walks away.

After the kids see the mess, Finn and Rachel go Christmas tree shopping to replace the choir room tree, and Finn is acting all Jesus-like, trying to explain the power of Christmas and the miracles of the season. I personally don’t understand Rachel’s affinity for berets, it only worsens the bad haircut of season two. She is trying too hard to win Finn back, but he pushes her away, and as they stroll between the rows of pine trees, the two break out into Wham’s “Last Christmas”. This is my favorite song on the album, but the awkwardness between the two nestled in between Douglas furs kind of put me off. The two end up kissing, but Finn makes it official that the two are broken up and he cannot forget her cheating on him.

The kids debate cutting off their hair and selling watches to raise money to help the orphans since their gifts are missing, and Schu warns them this “gift of the magi like” martyrdom is not the true spirit of Christmas. Instead they decide to put on another impromptu concert in the teacher’s lounge and ask for donations. And what song do they choose than that creepy/sad song from the Grinch movie, “Welcome Christmas”. The teacher’s love it and are compelled to contribute money, and we all of a sudden see Sue, in true grinch style seem to have an epiphany, realizing her devilish ways were not so nice.

So Beiste goes through with the plan and breaks into Brittany’s house as Santa Claus and when Brittany finds her, Bieste tries to explain that there is no way she can make Artie walk, but her gift for Christmas would be “patience”. (LAME) She proceeds to give a well intended anecdote about herself being a husky little girl that no one liked, and I’m in no mood for a pity-party here, but Brittany thinks she’s referencing Ricki Lake, so were all not on the same page here.

Then we see the next day, that when Brittany and Artie returned home there was a mechanical device called “The Re-Walk”, placed under Brittany’s tree. Developed by a doctor in Sweden, the machine can give Artie temporary movement, and all the glee-clubers are ecstatic. We see Beiste watching this whole scene, and we wonder: Did she give the gift? Was it Sue? Maybe a miracle? (probably not).

So everybody’s jolly and cheery, except for Rachel and Schu, because they’ll be lone on Christmas, but when Will goes home to his empty apartment we know something is going to happen. Is crazy lady Terri going to pop out of the fire place? Emma waiting on the couch in sexy Santa lingerie?  Well to my slight disappointment, it was just Sue in a festive track suit trying to apologize for stealing the gifts, and she gives Will a razor, providing the snarky remark to put everyone out of their misery by shaving his “chia pet”. I must say I never get tired of the hair jokes. Or Jane Lynch. Love that woman.

Anyways, so the episode ends with the glee club all joining in to help decorate Mr. Schu’s apartment and bring him some cheer. A happy yet unfulfilling episode in my opinion. Of course the themed ones are usually a let down. Hopefully the second season brings us more plot and the promising ending of nationals being in New York is something to look forward to!

Thanks for reading Cornelians! Good Luck with finals and Happy Holidays!

Original Author: Nicholas Parisi