March 17, 2011

Ice Cream and Balloons

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With weather climbing into the 60s, students have finally been able to break out the shorts and sunglasses and have once again enjoyed some long awaited lounging on the Arts Quad. The fact that spring break is only a day away has only helped lift the campus spirit even higher. Speaking of lifting spirits, in order to help dissect the week in news, The Sun conjured up the ghosts of the University’s Founders to offer their own perspectives on the day’s hot-button issues heading into the break.

The Sun: So, guys, how about this weather?

A.D. White: You kids these days are hilarious. You have one day in the 50s and everyone’s breaking out their bathing suits and tanning lotions and making plans to hit the beach.

Ezra Cornell: Give them a break, we did put this University of ours in an eternal black hole of winter.

Sun: True; and you know how we love Sunshine …

A.D.: One more Sun pun would kill me if I weren’t already dead.

Sun: Hey, we didn’t name the organization. Let’s get serious, though, guys. Governor Cuomo’s new budget is causing all kinds of problems for programs and colleges at the University. Most importantly, though, Cornell’s Pro-Dairy Program may face elimination. Thoughts?

Ezra: Well, as you know, we founded this institution as a land-grant University committed to agricultural development and the statutory colleges –– as well as dairy programs –– are essential to this mission. The fact that the state’s considering making these cuts is a real shame for those who believe that education should be more than just reading books and reciting Latin.

A.D.: You wanna hear a real shame, Ezra? There won’t be any more Cornell chocolate milk and vanilla ice cream in the dining halls. Hopefully we’ll figure out a way to outsource production to China.

Ezra: I wouldn’t mind outsourcing you to China.

Sun: Alright guys, enough, we don’t want any more fuses blown. Losing power in the Commons after a balloon struck a power line was enough excitement for one week.

A.D.: I’ve been telling everyone for years how dangerous balloons are. I mean, we just hand them out to kids like candy and expect them to know how to handle them. All you need is one deranged toddler to cause trouble. If I ever ran for a public office, better balloon regulation would be number one on my agenda.

Ezra: You amaze me everyday, A.D. You are truly one of a kind.

Sun: Well this was yet another unproductive meeting of the minds. It’s a good thing that most people will be off for spring break when this is published. Until next time, back to the netherworld with you both!