It’s official: Twitter has taken over the Cornell campus. In 140 characters or fewer, you can get the latest #BigRed updates from @Cornell_Univ, @cornellsun, @SlopeMedia, @LynahFaitful, @Humor_Us and most importantly, the duo known as @crnllgrlprblms and @crnllguyprblms. What is today’s soup at Terrace? Just check in with @StatlerHotel. Looking for some fun facts about milk? @cornelldairy is the place to go. What’s the score? Turn to @SlopeCUSports or @DailySunSports for up-to-the-minute stats. Pissed about the choice of Commencement speaker? @CornellCommence is too. Did @crnllgrlprblms and @crnllguyprblms get it on this weekend? #awkward. In the past few weeks, the Cornell Twitterverse has really blown up. It seems like in a matter of days, a large number of my fellow seniors have suddenly signed up for Twitter accounts, tweeting to their hearts’ content. #Cornell2011ForLyfe. But why this swift surge in popularity? I was stumped at first, but then it hit me — #QuarterlifeCrisis.
As I’ve said before, all of us seniors are united in our collective quarterlife crisis, no matter our race, gender or post-grad plan (or lack thereof). With a mere 38 days left until graduation, we are all coming to the sad realization that the fantasy world of college will soon be gone, so we might as well live every moment to the fullest. What better way to do that than to share every minute detail with the world via a tweet? Somehow if you tell everyone about everything you do, it all becomes that much more meaningful. #jk #noonecares #tweetawaythepain
To prove that the senior citizens of Cornell have turned to Twitter to chronicle their painful countdown to graduation, I present a collection of my friends’ most #QLC-tastic tweets. #SelfServing? Yes. #Entertaining? Duh (note: Twitter usernames have been changed so that you can’t stalk people like a weirdo. #getoverit).
#QuarterlifeCrisis – The Greatest Hits
ThaiGirlProblems: The only constant in my life is twitter. #quarterlifecrisis
DJSocialCommentary: I’ve decided to go on a 40-day bender until graduation. It’ll be like Lent, but pretty much the opposite.
SerbianSteel: My friend’s cat died … It hung itself.
FrstWrldPrblms: I don’t know how to use Netflix by myself #FirstWorldProblems #QuarterLifeCrisis
LisaLeftKneeLopez: my hot yoga instructor doubles as my therapist. #quarterlifecrisis
gingeredYAM: I just drove from our apt to CTB to get a sandwich. Senioritis? More like #atrophyofselfrespect #quarterlifecrisis
BoomRoasted: 4/20 is my favorite day of the year. Upon graduating I will really miss the deals at Insomnia Cookies #QLC
Tumtum: division is fun. remainder: jk
DJSocialCommentary: @SerbianSteel Happy Passover means no bread for our Jewish friends … means shorter sandwich lines for me … mwahahaha #Lunch?
LisaLeftKneeLopez: spending more money on transportation to interviews than i’ll probably make in my entry level salary #QuarterlifeCrisis
APintOfFun: the only plans i have after graduation are for summer concerts … #QuarterlifeCrisis
BoomRoasted: I have to go … I have to drive my dentist to her abortion #QLC
ThaiGirlProblems Going from finding a formal date to finding a sugar daddy. #quarterlifecrisis
SerbianSteel: You know when you can tell someone is fat just by their voice? #MuffledByLipids
GreatScott: I’m basing my graduate school plans on campus cafeteria names
MinnFike: In johnny oh’s — I’ve never missed black people as much as I do now. And I’m doomed to a future of being that “black guy” in the office #FML
FrstWrldPrblms: I have too many clothes, but I’m bored of all of them. #firstworldproblems
JokesIDontGet: I don’t get computers or women. startin to sound like my dad!
VarsityGeorge: Sitting is the best #quarterlifecrisis
StillAround: Found what I think is a valium in the pocket of some old jeans … I should take it … right? #obama_care #quarter_lifeCrisis
DJSocialCommentary: Proud citizen of the procrasti-nation
CrznAzn: Fuck you slovenia. Stop existing. #fuckeurope
ThaiGirlProblems: Not sure which is more depressing, the fact that there’s 3 weeks of school left, or 3 months until I start work …
1801FoundingFather: don’t forget your humble Serbian roots or your people will never love you.
RabbitHole: First time ever in Mann #2ndsemestersenior
ajuna: my thesis would totally be my horcrux (if i were into the dark arts, that is) #ravenclaw
ThaiGirlProblems: Considering a move to the motherland so I don’t have to live up to the 1st gen. paving way for the future thing #quarterlifecrisis
SerbianSteel: @DailySunEditor I totally just wrote my column via Twitter #sorryimnotsorry #quarterlifecrisis
Twitter is a beautiful thing. I can sleep soundly knowing that 20 years from now, when I transition from my quarterlife crisis to my far worse midlife crisis, every meaningless moment and lopsided thought will forever exist in its primal glory on the interwebz. I thank all contributors for their tweets and unproductive use of spare time. You know who are you. #winningMilos Balac is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He may be reached at email@example.com. The Quarterlife Crisis appears alternate Thursdays this semester.
Original Author: Milos Balac