August 21, 2011

Three Things No One Else Cares About During Orientation Week

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It’s orientation week and Collegetown is filling to the brim with hordes of all-too-easily identifiable freshmen. To benefit the Class of 2015, we dispatched a Berry Patch reporter to point out the three most common mistakes every freshman makes in his or her first ventures away from the shelter of North Campus:

Don’t wear your keys backwards around your neck.

Even though it may look like all the cool kids are doing it up on North, here in the real world of Collegetown, that shit doesn’t fly. We know you’re excited about your new dorm, and your new room, and that new lanyard that you just had to have from the Cornell Store, but news flash: no one else cares. Your freshman floor wolf pack will still be able to get into your building, even if you keep your keys in your pocket.

Absolutely never wear a Cornell T-shirt to a party.

We know you probably remodeled your whole wardrobe after you got your early acceptance letter from Cornell. You may have hung up a couple of Cornell banners on your wall, stuck a few Cornell bumper stickers on your car and already changed your e-mail signature to YOUR NAME, Cornell Class of 2015, but news flash: no one else cares. We get it, you go to Cornell.

Chill with the questions.

We know there’s a lot you’ve been wondering: like which classes to take, the best places to eat on campus and in Collegetown, where to buy your textbooks, and why everyone loves Keystone so much, but news flash: no one else cares. Save your queries for the daytime. We’re sure you’ll figure it all out eventually; we did.