January 30, 2013

The Dapper Man Dabbles in Hipsterdom

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College is a playpen for hipsters, and Cornell is no exception (probably courtesy of our non-mainstream location and the Green St. Urban Outfitters, the only quality store in the Commons). Being hipster is a state of mind, a specific taste in music and a lifestyle, but I mean, labels are too mainstream anyway. In fact, long introductory paragraphs are too mainstream. Here’s how to dress like a hipster:

Lazy Beanie

The beanie was a hat originally worn to keep one’s head warm during the wintertime. However, to be a hipster, beanies are to be worn during all seasons, especially in the summer with a tank top and a swimsuit. Make sure the beanie doesn’t cover your entire ears! You have to wear the beanie so loosely that it seems like it’s about to fall off every time you turn your head. This exudes the nonchalance that hipsters work so strenuously to achieve.

Ironic Tops

To prove that you were interested in things before they were popular, it’s always a good idea to sport ironic tops that depict superheroes, characters from children’s TV shows (a.k.a. Dora the Explorer), breakfast cereal mascots, moustaches or obscure bands like Two Door Cinema Club or The Steelwells. Floral patterns or forestry images are also appropriate and particularly striking when in an industrial area. Make sure not to wear ironic subjects that are too overdone, though, such as The Flash and Che Guevara.

Thick-Rimmed Glasses

For those of us fortunate enough to have horrible vision, get prescription glasses that look exactly like clubmasters or wayfarers. Their coolness and unique shape guarantee a good look for every face type, and the glasses themselves connote someone from high society with their thick frames and little metallic end dimples. For those of you with the 20/20 experience (shout out to JT!), things can be a bit trickier. Wearing non-prescription glasses is slightly frowned upon, and wearing glasses without lenses definitely looks a little desperate. But, as long as you keep telling people that the glasses are “reading glasses” that you must wear all the time, you’ll live.

The Tightest Jeans

Basically, guys, if your jeans aren’t as skinny or skinnier than these, they aren’t skinny enough. Skinny jeans are the absolute hallmark of hipster fashion, and to truly blend in, you must adopt wearing this quintessential item. The skinnier the jeans, the better. Varied colors are encouraged, but oftentimes pricey. Be careful not to make them too bright, though; a muskier hue like this will downplay the expensiveness to make it look “vintage.” The goal is to start looking androgynous from the waist down. If you’re either lanky or have merely an inkling of an athletic build, shop in the women’s section for even skinnier jeans. A bottle-cap string belt is always a ridiculously thrifty addition.

Beat-Up Shoes

It’s time to dig up those beat-up, sweaty Chucks from middle school! Converse All-Stars or old-school Vans are the best, specifically the oldest, dirtiest and grimiest pair you can find. Wash your shoes every week to keep them indecent, but not too indecent. Remember, hipsters have to walk that fine line of looking poor and vintage, despite their opulent upbringing. Checkered or outrageously colored ones are great patterns, or if you want to look even more low-income, just paint them yourself! Toms or Keds are also quite hipster-y as well with their minimalist look and no arch support.

All in all, just stay away from the big businesses, because, you know, hipsters are anti-establishment and support individualism and creativity. That means, whenever someone asks, you have to say, “I was a hipster before I read this article.”

Original Author: Eric Ding