October 31, 2013

HEROES vs. VILLIANS: Hero-ween Weekend

Print More

It’s Halloween weekend, which means the real HEROES and the VILLAINS are out to play.

We anticipate at least a handful of HEROIC jokesters in VILLAINOUS poncho and sombrero garb will HEROICALLY mock the VILLAINOUS athletic department’s misguided Cinco d’Octubre campaign. Undoubtedly, anyone who prowls College Ave. will also see a smattering of VILLAINOUSLY heteronormative Touchdown the Bear getups. We’re holding out hope that some HERO will dress up as lesbian Touchdown.

Our current estimation puts the expected number of HEROIC idiots who will dress as Miley Cyrus at a VILLAINOUS bajillion. These moronic HEROES will suck up the VILLAINOUS cold and humiliation to HEROICALLY assume the identity of everyone’s favorite former Disney VILLAIN. But the true HEROES will be her wrecking ball sidekicks. HEROICALLY self-assured women, wear your fishnets and VILLAINOUS devil horn headbands with ease. Even sexy HERO classics like cats, angels and nurses will seem more HEROICALLY original this year than Miley.

The HEROIC holiday weekend will bring some temporary HEROIC cheer, but don’t rest easy! The VILLAINOUS winter blues are a-comin’.