By MEGHAN FLYNN
Hello, hello my fashionistas! Have you missed me? Ugh, I’m sorry. Things have been a little hectic lately (bet you’ve never heard that from a Cornell student before, right?), but I apologize. Because of my extended absence from your lives, and my extended influence on your wardrobes, I’ve taken it upon myself to conquer the three major Fs — none of them being expletives, mind you. Yes, today I’m going to (try to) help you conquer some of the scariest things that are oh-too-real right now in the life of a Cornellian, starting with…
1. Frigidity: Oh my God. Is it just me, or was the Cornell campus moved to Antarctica overnight? Honestly, I’ll check my e-bill and get back to you. Whatever the case may be, it’s COLD as hell (to speak in oxymorons). I refuse to recommend you pull out your parka just yet, as that is always my personal last resort. However, the days of tanks and flip-flops are long, long gone. I highly recommend investing in a couple of pairs of cable-knit tights. They’re so seasonally appropriate, will totally keep your gams warm and are still flattering in a variety of (dark) colors. Of course, black tights with black booties will keep your legs looking long and lean (even if you begin to pack on hot-chocolate induced pounds in your hibernation state), but any dark color will result in a similarly pleasing effect. Sweaters are also your new best friend for the next few months, so keep your eyes open for any and all kinds: fisherman, graphic, cashmere, etc. Men’s sweaters with a slim pant are also oh-so-chic. I would’ve said boyfriend sweaters, but, like, still single here, so…
Last, but never least, let’s talk accessories. First off, keep a pair of goes-with-everything gloves in your backpack. Sadly, we students can lose track of time in dreadful places like the library and emerge into sub-zero temperatures for the long walk home. Having a pair of black (duh) gloves to throw on can really make a difference. Hats are also life-savers; cold ears are the worst. Of course, I’m impractical and would rather throw on a snapback or bowler, which will do nothing to save my little ears, but for you, I recommend a cute beanie or an admittedly awkward trapper hat. People here wear much weirder things unironically, so just go for it.
2. Feasting: Next week is Thanksgiving, which means you’ll get to see family and friends (two more Fs, it’s kinda getting weird), and, naturally, you want to look good when seeing these people, or anyone around town. Hey, you’re a big shot at an amazing school, so let your appearance reflect your accomplishments. However, don’t get cocky and throw on something too fabulous and flashy, because you’re going to stuff yourself senselessly, and you need to make sure your waistband doesn’t highlight the impending bloating. For this reason, I recommend an oversized blazer and a slim, nice pant or a simple babydoll with tights and booties. Just cute enough, just comfortable enough. If your family is one that dresses up a bit more, though, choose something more sophisticated with the same forgiving intentions in mind. For Black Friday, go ahead and rock the red Cornell sweatshirt I so often scorn; you need to be comfortable to successfully shop your heart out, and, I can’t lie, it’s pretty cool that we go here, so proudly show it off and receive the attention you deserve (until it gets annoying, then take it off and go eat leftovers).
3. Formals: Okay, so formals, for the most part, occur after we return. I’m sorry if the dresses you ordered are a little tighter after F #2, but, like, whatever, you’re gonna look good anyway. It’s the winter-holiday season, so summer colors are obviously a big no-no. Rich, deep hues; black (of course) and reds (helloooo, Santa) are your best bet. Dress how you want for your own formal — you should look and feel your best, and it’s your big night that you’ve earned after a long semester. Definitely accessorize, especially if your dress is pretty minimal; costume-y jewelry is totally appropriate this time of year. Think New Year’s glamour taken down a few notches. If you’re someone else’s date, definitely keep the same color rules in mind, but make sure the tone of your dress is classic. It’s true that most guys probably wouldn’t mind you rocking a show-stopping little number at their formal (and they’d probably like it, to be honest), but on the off-chance that your guy is a little shy, it’s in your best interest to assume subtlety.
So there you have it: three big Fs decoded. I wish you a warm weekend, a food/friends/family-filled Thanksgiving feast and a very fun formal season. Cheers! Oh, PS, I could’ve mentioned a fourth — Finals — but I didn’t want to depress you, and I know most people are planning to live in sweats and UGGs (crying) anyway, so I thought it best not to even try. Please shower, though…