Maybe you’re a first-year who fantasized locking eyes with the love of your life during O-week. Or maybe you’re a senior desperately trying to find someone before stepping into the lonely world of adulthood. Either way, the pandemic probably threw a wrench into your dating aspirations. Your dating apps are dry, you spent cuffing season taking finals in your childhood bedroom, your perfect matches weren’t perfect at all and there’s a long five weeks to go until hot girl summer. Here’s how to make some real use of your class time and land your Zoom crush.
- Turn on your camera. This isn’t Love Is Blind. Zoom classes offer countless opportunities for distraction. The person can easily be working on another assignment, texting friends or mindlessly scrolling through TikTok under their desk. You’ll need to use all the tools at your disposal for a chance to keep their attention.
- Perfect your backdrop. Make sure the camera can see the dirty dishes in your kitchen, the stains on your sweats and the navy sheets you haven’t washed since you bought them freshman year.
- Put some effort into your appearance. Luckily, Zoom only shows you from the shoulders up, so pick a nice shirt and find some flattering lighting. Some clothing recommendations: your Cornell homecoming shirt from two years ago, the T-shirt the College of Arts and Sciences gave you during orientation and won’t stop talking about, the shirt you stole from that frat boy. These are sure to impress! And don’t forget to add a filter — your crush will want to see your face floating near the Golden Gate Bridge or in outer space.
- If you overslept, just get dressed during class. Don’t worry about turning your video off here either!
- Unmute while your professor is talking. Hear me out on this one. If your potential match has Active Speaker view turned on, you’ll be filling up their screen giving them plenty of time to take notice of you.
- Say their name. It’s scientifically proven that our brain involuntarily responds to the sound of our own names. The next time your special someone speaks up during an in-class discussion, click on the little blue hand, unmute and respond. Say something like “Going off Cathy’s point…” or “I agree with Adam that…” You’ll get their attention, boost their ego and snap up some class participation points all in one move.
- Send them a private message but accidentally send it to the entire class. This one is a crowd-pleaser. Your professor will love you too. The spicier the better.
- Comment on their background. Do they have a cute goldfish behind them? A roommate pacing behind the camera? A Justin Bieber poster? Tell them you love it.
- Crash their breakout room.
- Vlog into class. Don’t take your Zoom class from your desk. Are you kidding me?
This piece is part of The Sun’s April 20 joke issue series. For more, visit https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/twentyone/.