To the Editor:
If there’s one phrase that makes me think of college, it’s definitely “find yourself.” I know this sounds strange, but I’m here to show the world the definitely real truth about Bill Nye’s college experience. Surprisingly, Bill Nye entered Cornell having not yet “found himself.” Believe it or not, Bill entered Cornell in the Dyson school as a business major, and after working for hours in Mann library, became known as Bill Nye the BusinessMann. After being rejected from every business club on campus — despite his ability to make beautiful powerpoints that he considered to be a form of artwork and mode of personal expression — Nye decided to dabble in the humanities.
He eased himself into the field by taking English classes. Though he wasn’t particularly drawn to any literary works, he developed an unrivaled and somewhat annoying knack for rhyme, as he was captivated by verse poetry, becoming known as Bill Nye the English Guy. He was then advised to try writing for The Sun by a professor.