We have all been rejected. We have all felt the crippling pain and embarrassment of knowing the person we like doesn’t feel the same about us, that hot feeling that runs down your spine and makes you wish that you just blended into the walls. The denial that no, he is just playing hard to get or is scared I’ll reject him.
Believe me, I’ve been a victim, and I’ve seen nearly everyone I know go through it, but I have noticed a pattern. Women tend to make the process worse for each other, trying to numb the pain by making excuses for the guy’s behavior. The truth is, if he doesn’t seem that into it, he probably is just not that into you.
Though we sense this, we still tell our friend otherwise to protect her. We bombard her with excuses that he is just busy or shy, but that’s the worst thing we can do. Our overhyped friend then continues to pursue the guy, embarrassing herself, while the guy sends every sign that, guess what: he is just not that into her.
We also waste her time; she spends months and months obsessing over someone that has no shot of working out, rather than trying to meet someone else. Every woman needs to hear the truth: He is Just Not Into You.
This lying stems from the associated embarrassment we feel from being rejected. But the truth is that being rejected is totally natural. Think about you have rejected someone good looking, smart, sweet and funny but for some reason, you don’t feel those butterflies and dizziness when you think of them. It’s the same for when we are rejected. Someone may recognize our great qualities, but not feel that spark. It doesn’t mean they aren’t any of those things; it just means that their greatness doesn’t click with yours.
Whenever a friend is rejected, I always say even Elle Woods got rejected. Yes, the epitome of awesome was rejected by Warner Huntington III for being too blonde. Feelings are inherently irrational, and we have no control, so we can reject people because we simply don’t feel it.
We have to change our view of rejection. Rejection is not humiliating; it’s not embarrassing; it’s natural. I once read that attraction is largely chemical, so sometimes the chemicals don’t match. We just have to get better at not taking rejection personally. We have all rejected people, and largely for no specific reason. There is always that person who is perfect on paper but just doesn’t click. It doesn’t mean they aren’t awesome, it just wasn’t a match. Instead of focusing on the rejection, we should reward people for their bravery. Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there is admirable behavior. The outcome is irrelevant; it’s more important to go after what you want.
Women, next time your friend is telling you about the boy that never texted, or the kissless date night, answer with the truth: no, he is not shy, no, he doesn’t care about ruining your friendship, and no, he is not just busy. You know the truth: he is just not that into you, but you are one bad bitch.
Girl With No Game is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to editor–[email protected]. The Sexless Sex Column runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.