Let’s say you were in need of good sex. I’m talking grabbing the sheets, screaming and moaning that could be heard from space, the bed shaking to the point where it feels like an earthquake, kind of sex. If there were two doors in front of you, and behind door number 1 is a nerdy boy who has had two sexual partners, but both were serious relationships, and behind door number 2 is a regular fuck boy whose body count would gross you out, you would choose door number 2. You thought the number of girls would translate to skill, but it turns out the opposite is true.
While on a midnight Facetime with a friend, we discussed our common hookup. He was known for being a fuck boy: a man with many casual sexual partners. We both agreed with dismay that he was just average in bed. I honestly found him to be a bad kisser, but she said overall he was okay. I then compared the fuck boy to a recent guy I hooked up with who didn’t even have his first kiss until college. While he was a late bloomer, he had two girlfriends in college, both lasting a few months each. He was the best kiss that I’ve ever had, and his skill in bed was evident without us even having sex.
This conversation led to a counterintuitive conclusion. The key to being a good sexual partner doesn’t come from number of partners — it comes from returning partners. A man whose experience consists entirely of one-night stands is unable to reach the point in a relationship where his partner feels comfortable enough to critique his sexual skill. He is left doing the same things he has always done. There is no evolution from his first time to his thousandth. In contrast, the serial monogamist is coached through it. Each sexual partner tells him what she likes and what he should do in order to get her off. Every time he has sex, he is able to learn a lesson and improve. Sex becomes more of an art than an act. The serial monogamist has also cared enough about a girl that the objective of sex wasn’t solely for his enjoyment, but to get her off.
The lesson to be learned is if you really want to get off, find a serial monogamist. They might know their way around a vagina better than you know your way around yours.
Girl With No Game is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to editor–[email protected]. The Sexless Sex Column runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.