On Saturday, April 16, a junior in the Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management, Bill N. Gai ’23, forgot to post an update on LinkedIn for his upcoming internship at Amazon. Gai’s failure to post, a requirement of the Applied Economics and Management major, prompted his removal from the school.
Gai was immediately transferred to the College of Arts and Sciences to be an English major to match the level of activity needed on his LinkedIn account. The English Department accepted Gai with open arms, eager to finally have a male student.
The LinkedIn post fulfills the AEM major’s “sell soul to corporate America” requirement. By sharing their ridiculously overpaid entry-level job update with the world, the students help solidify their career goals and trajectory.
The requirement was also a push to garner a sense of community among the Dyson students.
“By comparing yourself to other students, it is intended to give our students Imposter Syndrome. We want our students to bond over that,” said Prof. Morgan Stanley, applied economics and management.
The requirement was also intended to connect with the college’s alumni and to show them how their donations continue to help grow the Cornell-to-Wall Street pipeline in Dyson.
Only $56,398 was donated to Dyson as a part of Cornell Giving Day 2022. It is rumored that this is the same amount of money that a group of ten Dyson seniors spent on room service at Casa de Campo over Spring Break.
Most Dyson students do not seem to mind this major requirement at all. “How else am I supposed to show my high school Personal Finance teacher that I would get to be within a five mile radius of Jeff Bezos? Facebook just doesn’t cut it anymore.” said Naugn F. Token ’25.
There has been some push-back against this requirement though, as there is with every new requirement. A group of students called “Lincoln LinkedIn” stated that LinkedIn posts are against their moral standard that the platform should only be used for advertising the Cornell Music Department and acapella groups.
“We can’t have LinkedIn pages full of updates about your internship where you’re making coffee runs and standing at the copier for 10 hours a day. What the people really want to know about is the music on campus and supporting the music groups,” said the president of the group, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid the wrath of the Dyson students.
Promptly after the interview on Ho Plaza, the president returned to reeling in students to buy Krispy Kreme donuts for the fifth time this week.
For Bill N. Gai, the College of Arts and Sciences has been a fun new adjustment. In an interview on Monday, he said “I’m glad I’ll be able to take classes I really want. Next semester, I am going to take Oceanography and Wines, and I won’t even feel pressured to post about it on LinkedIn.”
This piece is part of The Sun’s April 20 joke issue series. For more, visit https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/twentytwo/.