My dear readers, Did you miss me? I certainly did. I know I am slightly behind schedule but if I didn’t write for today my editor was going to whip me — we keep it kinky at The Sun. Nothing to worry about, I will come back next week to make up for it. I promise.
As for the reason for my absence, I was throwing myself a little pity party over a breakup. It is always hard to lose someone, so I was not very inclined to talk about sex from a newly found sexless perspective.
But I am back now, both to writing and the dating pool. Well, maybe not dating. But I find myself in a liminal space where I am just floating on my singledom with so many possibilities I could pursue that it overwhelms me. I still think I have good parts of me to share with the world, and there are so many emotions that I am eager to experience again, but I don’t know where to begin.
I have to admit, I did re-download some of the trusted apps. Curiosity got the best of me and I had to scroll and see what Cornell had to offer me this time around — not much, as expected. All I could see were guys who wanted a quick release, and to be honest I caved.
In hindsight, I am not extremely proud of attempting to engage with them. Not because of slut shaming — I think being a slut is very fun but not my mood right now — but because it felt cold. It was so transactionary, a “hey”, “you got pics? “ and “hott” was all the interaction I could get.
I get it. We are in college and very stressed, of course people want to get hot and heavy on a random night so they don’t have to think about the problems that plague our lives. But it feels impossible to just have an organic conversation.
It might just be withdrawal of that organic interaction that comes with a relationship, it might be the cold weather or maybe I am not asking for too much. A simple conversation, maybe even a drink in person would be lovely.
I find so much joy in just sharing time with a guy. Either having a sexual or platonic encounter I always try to make an effort to get to know them because it just adds to the experience. I mean, I am more inclined to get turned on by someone I can put a name and some sort of story to compared to random torsos with the only information they provide is ‘DL hmu’.
I did have some great interactions with some lovely men, not all hope is lost. But I wish it wasn’t such a rare occurrence to find someone decent enough to carry a regular conversation beyond asking me for my nudes.
Don’t get me wrong, I am also enjoying my time to myself and I am in no rush at all to get into a relationship or any of the sort with a new guy. But is it really that much to ask? I don’t mean that in an entitled way, I am not presuming to be any sort of prize by any means. But I also think that as queer people, we spend so much time repressing our romantic and platonic connections and relationships because there are so many pressures to just get with the next hot guy. Which attests to the fact that college does give us a relatively safe space to explore our sexuality and make up for that lost time.
But we all have something to give each other. Sure, that can look like many things, but I would rather get to know another person. If not, what is the point ? Why keep going from guy to guy if they will all just give me semi-decent kissing, among other things.
I invite you all to go out and enjoy this halloweekend, but maybe get their number and grab a coffee or drink the following week. They will probably not be the love of your life, but it can definitely become a fling and eventually a great memory.
P.S. I promise not to be so sappy next week.
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