April 25, 2024

SEX ON THURSDAY | Does Role Compatibility Really Matter? 

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It was a Saturday evening that turned into the early hours of Sunday, I was about three shots of tequila too confident and decided to shoot my shot. As luck would have it a cute guy invited me over to his place for the classic “hangout”’ that always happens past midnight. 

The conversation went great, I thought we had some chemistry going on. There was some laughter, the kind that only quiets down with a kiss — and it did. The kiss was good, despite my usual struggles to maneuver people who like to give fast intense kisses right off the bat — I prefer a couple of slow romantic kisses to get started. 

After a period of shifting positions and making out, some clothes came off, and I was ready to please my newly made friend…or so I thought. He didn’t want to get my kind of fellatio, which I found surprising. He did offer to return the favor though, but it turns out neither of us likes to receive that kind of action. I just froze as I sat there stunned, as did he, half in embarrassment and half in confusion about what to do next. 

We called it a night after exchanging a  “what do we do now?”. There was not much to do at that point, a quick hug and it was time for me to head out the door and make the walk of shame back to my place at the ungodly hour of four in the morning. On my walk of shame I received an Instagram notification, he had requested to follow me. I couldn’t help but chuckle, but it felt reassuring that I did not embarrass myself so badly as to never face this person again. 

I honestly had a great time until that point, the conversation was interesting and he was quite a nice guy. If the context had been a regular date at a coffee shop the conversation would have definitely granted him a second one. I almost felt a feeling of sadness, not because the interaction didn’t work out, but because I have experienced that same thing quite a few times. Finding guys who are into guys at Cornell is already challenging enough, now imagine finding someone who’s a match for you in and out of the sheets.

I have heard from a couple of friends on this campus that sex roles in gay dating are too limiting, “whether you’re a top or a bottom, you should not put yourself in a box,” they say. But we all have physical needs, and whether you like to wet noodles or get your noodle wet, you need someone to compliment you and that includes a sexual context as well. 

While I understand those hopeless romantics that say love can unite all, even two bottoms, I would not be one to start topping for a guy unfortunately. It is just not me, and believe me, I have tried before — not my proudest moment — so it is not even a selfishness issue. 

Saying that people can just “work it out” is not really realistic, to simply put it, two bottoms don’t make a top. That doesn’t mean you have to forget about each other forever though; I have turned a couple of failed hook ups into friends before. 

But when it comes to lovers, you do have to meet your match, if not, you’ll never fit together — literally. 

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