Caitlin’s Lifestyle Guest Icks
Caitlin Gallagher is a is a Lifestyle Guest Columnist and third-year student in the ILR school. She can be reached at [email protected].
Even though it may be true that dating apps have made life more difficult for those looking for a partner on campus, the rise of “The Ick” suggests we have brought this problem upon ourselves. This became clearer to me when I spoke to a male friend of mine about the impact the term has had on his dating experience. He said that even though he also thought the online joke was funny at first, it was jarring to have a girl tell him that he had given her “The Ick.” His conduct was not even egregiously offensive – he received this criticism for not speaking loud enough to the waiter when he asked for the check. Although his date meant it as a light jab, it made me consider when it became acceptable for a date to essentially tell you when they were disgusted by you.
If you frequent TikTok or Instagram, you might already have a grasp on what the term means. People on TikTok have taken to the term and now post extensive lists of the objectively ridiculous things that have given them “The Ick”. The lists often continue in the comments as these TikTok creators urge people to name their “icks” to boost engagement. As if dating was not hard enough, TikTok and Instagram have now become an open forum for people to name their disgust of potential partners.
“The Ick” was actually coined in the 1990s on an episode of sitcom Ally McBeal and was even the namesake of an episode of Sex and the City. The term was introduced to our generation by Olivia Attwood on reality show Love Island. More than anything, “The Ick” seems to be a specific physical reaction to anything a potential suitor does that turns you off. When someone says they have “The Ick”, it means they are expressing a general sense of discomfort and unease at something a romantic partner has done.
In some ways, it is relieving to finally have the language to describe the skin-crawling, nauseous feeling you get when a suitor is rude to the waiter or chews with their mouth open on a date, but, what constitutes an “Ick” has been taken too far. I have heard everything; the type of socks a man wears, the way he chases a rogue ping-pong ball, being lactose-intolerant, drinking milk, chasing after the TCAT and dancing at Hideaway is the non-exhaustive list. What began as a way to describe objectively rude behavior and poke light fun at people you are interested in has become an umbrella term that allows relentless nitpicking of your partner’s behavior. At a point when college-dating seems more grim than ever, perhaps a return to old-fashioned kindness and endearment is where we should focus our energy instead.
In order to understand the dangers of the term, it is also important to reckon with the dating landscape on campus. We live in an era dominated by dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, which have given college-aged people hundreds of potential admirers to scroll through at their leisure. Dating apps are so prevalent in our lives on campus that I have even attended parties that were sponsored by dating app companies. Dating apps are exciting, there is nothing quite like the dopamine rush of matching with someone you found attractive, but the general consensus among my peers is that they are addictive and create too much distance between them and potential partners. In my experience, this sentiment is shared across gender and sexuality. With these new challenges, finding even just a casual partner seems more impossible than it was even just a few years ago.
Given this new norm, it is no wonder people feel so despondent about the college dating scene. For people of all genders looking to put themselves out there, there is now an impossible maze of “Icks” to navigate in order to woo a new lover. It would be one thing if the concept of “Icks” was a widespread push for more respect or thoughtfulness, but it seems that it has only encouraged everyone in the college dating pool to abandon basic authenticity and common decency. This may seem extreme, but think about how before a few years ago, “Icks” like the ones I have described would never have influenced a relationship. I would venture to say that healthy and fun relationships are never born from nitpicking or criticism, which is what this chronically online phenomenon encourages. If we wish to maintain any ounce of hope about college dating, it is time to reconsider our use of the term. The next time you see someone run after a ping-pong ball in a frat basement, instead of turning to your friend and immediately explaining “The Ick”, use it as an opportunity to reevaluate what “The Ick” really means.
Editor’s note: This piece was originally published in the September 4, 2024 print edition on the Sun.