I’m so freaking horny all the time, but all I can think every time I have sex is “When is this going to be over?”
I think about sex a little too much, and recently it’s gotten worse. Sometimes at night, I wake up so horny I have to masturbate — yes, it has gotten that bad. My problem is that I don’t enjoy having sex. I don’t like sucking dick. Getting meat up my butt hurts. Putting meat up someone’s butt is gross. Not to mention that I hate hooking up with guys I don’t have feelings for.
Growing up gay in a small Upstate New York town was not easy, so I stayed closeted until college. Even after coming out, I was so scared of having sex to the point that I didn’t lose my virginity until this past January. But right after ripping off that bandaid, I became a real horn dog.
Last semester I got with many different guys, all very different from each other. I know you’re probably thinking that I haven’t had sex with a guy who knows what he’s doing in bed, however, this is not the case. Let’s just say that some of the guys I’ve had sex with have had an extensive amount of sexual encounters. This past summer, for example, I saw a guy in medical school pretty frequently. I called him “med school man.” He was a bit older and quite a promiscuous man, and knew what he was doing in bed very well. I think a large part of why he knew what he was doing was because he was in medical school and knew the parts of the body … very … well. I fully suggest a man in medical school.
Even though I’ve had sex with these experienced men, it always feels like something is missing. After about a minute of a man putting his pecker in me, I just want him to take it out. It hurts! Especially when they keep going for so long. Like can you please finish already. Honestly, they may not even be going for that long. My attention span and ability to do the same thing for an extended period have gotten so bad. I blame TikTok and Instagram reels.
A likely reason I still haven’t fully enjoyed having sex yet is that I’ve never had sex with a man I genuinely like and have romantic feelings for. Most of my experiences with men have been sex-focused and not oriented around forming a connection. I’m a pretty picky person when it comes to liking guys, and I usually don’t even get the chance to date a guy and develop feelings for him. All every attractive gay man wants to do on this campus is hook up with each other. No one wants to be in a relationship these days!
In fact, guys will do relationship things with you: They’ll go on dates, cuddle you all night in bed, give you endless forehead kisses (I can go on and on) then refuse to commit to you. They might even hit you with an “I thought what we were doing was casual” (yeah, I know this sounds very specific. I remember it all too well!). Frankly, “casual dating” is weird and I just do not understand it.
As time goes on between my hookups, I forget that I genuinely do not enjoy them. Over a month ago I decided that I was done having sex with men I do not like and especially men I do not know. Well, unfortunately, push came to shove (I hadn’t had play in two months), and I canoodled with someone I’d been snapping for like three days last Friday. I was so drunk. Luckily we didn’t have sex, but sadly his wiener was in my mouth at one point. Gross! You guessed it, I did not enjoy my time with him. Starting NOW I am not doing these things anymore!
I am sure one day I’ll find a man that I’ll love and we’ll have some really awesome sex. Who knows, maybe he’ll be fine with taking TikTok breaks mid-sex!
As always, I am looking for a boyfriend so email me to let me know if you’re interested. Also, let me know if you have any questions you’d like answered in my next article.
[email protected]Stevie Dicks is a second-year student in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. His fortnightly column Ballads of a Lonely Twink chronicles a young gay man’s search for love.