Uncategorized

SEX ON THURSDAY | Everyone’s Mom Has Seen My Vibrator

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Let’s rewind: the year is 2019 and I’ve been sexually active, much to my best friend’s knowledge, for almost exactly two years. We’re sprawled out on the floor of my childhood bedroom, wine drunk on Barefoot’s Peach Fruitscato, praying my parents don’t overhear our inebriated conversation. Somehow the topic of vibrators presents itself, and it comes out that I’ve never owned nor used one of the magical machines (I’m not sure how the logistics of using without owning would work).

Opinion

SEX ON THURSDAY | The Curse of the $300 Vibrator

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On one hand, the Osé 2 blasted me into space, but on the other hand, I can’t come down. I’m stuck there on the moon, desperate to get back to Earth. I didn’t just see God like those reviewers did with my last vibrator; I became Him. But being God is a lonely existence.