September 19, 2007

Newport Harbor, Sweet

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When asked who watches Newport Harbor on the Cornell Campus, many would guess sorority girls. But surprisingly, the 40-some-odd girls that live in my sorority house make fun of me for watching it! Little do they know just how amazing those 23 minutes of high-school-hottie-watching is (and I mean that in a completely non-pedophiliac way).
For years, on any MTV reality show there’s always been that really big bitch. But she’s always really hot. For example, Kristin on Laguna Beach, Emily on The Hills, or Heide on 8th and Ocean. But as much as you want to hate her, you also kind of want to be her, because she always gets what she wants (the really hot guy). Recently, with the lack of music videos and the reduced budget causing MTV Networks to fire hundreds of workers, MTV has been changing things up. Bitches are no longer the only hot girls. On the most recent season of Laguna Beach the mean girls, Kyndra and Cami weren’t nearly as attractive as Tessa or Raquel, the good girls. This trend continues with the new season of Newport Harbor. Chrissy, the respectable good girl, is way better looking than Allie, the badly-dyed-blonde-haired biotch. It’s almost as if (Gasp!) MTV is setting a good example for the youngsters out there. Bitchy bimbos are out, and courteous cuties are in!
But wait — did I just open the last paragraph categorizing these MTV shows as reality? Because we all know they’re not. They’re better than reality! They are entirely prompted by the producers, and it makes for a phenomenal half hour of vicariously re-living the high school life nobody ever had. As a communication major, I pride myself on wasting time analyzing shows such as these. If there is one show streaming for free online, this is absolutely the must-see-free-streaming-show-of-the-season! So in the next few paragraphs, I shall try to catch you up on all the juicy, staged Newport gossip!
Chrissy, the kind, caring beauty, is interested in Clay. Clay, the kind, caring boy-beauty wants Chrissy back. Alas, Chrissy’s dad gets in the way. Whether the father is calling Chrissy and making her come home for an early curfew, or he’s catching his daughter alone in a room with Clay on spring break, they just can’t seem to hook up. The blonde skank, Allie, who stated that there isn’t anyone she hasn’t hooked up with in Newport Harbor, tries to get in on some Clay-action whilst Chrissy’s dad is constantly getting in the way. But, the less attractive, uncouth Allie fails miserably. It looks like Chrissy and Clay are doomed, until Chrissy’s parents go away on a golf outing for a weekend! Clay and Chrissy’s best friends (Grant and Sasha) host a BBQ to reunite the lovebirds. The two flirt the night away and the next day Clay calls to take Chrissy out on a date. It was possibly the cutest date ever and he ends the night by walking Chrissy to her door and giving her a goodnight kiss!
But it doesn’t end there! In the next episode we go to prom! Every girl magically gets a prince charming to ask them to prom in the most adorably romantic way possible (even Allie got the date she dreamed of). The youngsters go to prom, some of the cast members get clearly inebriated, but all goes well with Chrissy and Clay — while Allie’s date, Chase, ruins her night. This made me and probably every girl across the nation smile with happiness on the inside because the good girl finally got just what she wanted (the really hot guy).
So far, five episodes have aired, and there are five to go. If you’re lying in bed and you can’t fall asleep, or you just want your brain cells to take a break during those insane prelim study periods, give a few more of their desperately needed hits and check out the show, if not for the utterly artificial plot line, then for the ridiculously good looking characters. And if there is actually anyone out there who watches Newport Harbor, take no shame! There really is respect to be had in watching the good girl win sometimes.