November 8, 2007

The Bias Cut

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I know, I know. Sunglasses as The Bias Cut topic in November sounds about as seasonally inappropriate as white denim in April. Although it feels like the dead of winter, and I should probably be telling you to buy a cute pair of long johns (even though hopefully only your closest friends see them) and hats that don’t look like they were hand knit, I am going to delve into the (sometimes touchy) topic of sunglasses. After all, squinting in the sun is a year-round problem, and I’d like to stop you from making some year-round bad calls when it comes to protecting your eyes.
My biggest annoyance is the over saturation of what I like to call the Tacky New Money sunglasses, such as the Dolce & Gabbana ones with the huge DG on the side, or the Dior bug sunglasses that couldn’t scream “look at me” any louder — a look echoed on celebrity blog websites and trashy magazines. The homepage for my web browser is Pretty much every day, even if you aren’t ready for it, when I pull up my internet, a big picture of Britney Spears’ face will be right there. And yes, you can pretty much bet that she will be wearing a pair of sunglasses that scream some label in a manner more offensive than when “Juicy” is stitched across someone’s behind. We get it: the mess is somehow still managing to make bank with her stream of (I’ll admit it, better-than-decent) new songs. But just because you can afford flashy cover-over-half-of-your-face D&G white sunglasses does not make you classy or cool.
If you are not familiar with such offensive sunglass wear, please go on and look at all of the photographs taken of Britney Spears. Her face, puffy and dilouted from all those chemicals she injests, is topped with those awful Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses that have a huge D on one side and on the other, an equally as large G. Not cute I tell you, not cute.
Let me first explain that rather large sunglasses don’t have to be thrown away or disregarded. Sunglasses that should be tossed away include: those that have an excessive amount of rhinestones, look like they were created to be pilot goggles, Elton John inspirations (think white frames with bright blue lenses) and any that have labels that are larger than the frames and/or longer than your cheek bones. Although you might be trying to stand out and get noticed, wearing these sunglasses is kind of like when private school girls wear skirts rolled up to very bottom of their butts. Attention-getting? Yes. A lot of people doing it? Unfortunately. A good idea that makes you look like anything other than a tool with enormous amounts of overpriced plastic covering your face? Not really.
Again, oversized sunglasses are not ALL toss-worthy. If they don’t go much past your eyebrows and are not more than a half inch wider than your face, and if they follow the color scheme/logo rules as noted above, then they should be fine. I hate to give you too much freedom, but do use your judgement. (And also note that 90 percent of Chanel products are an exception to the above rules.)
I have also noticed often that many men on this campus have been sporting the Keanu Reeves Matrix sunglasses. Matrix sunglasses might suit movies that have main characters in worlds unknown to me or suit some of those wall street men with inflated egos, but the Cornell campus and the city (city, really?) of Ithaca is not exactly a scene with futuristic crime fighting or billion dollar hedge fund deals taking place. So let’s all take ourselves just a little less seriously.
As a rule of thumb, sunglasses made by the following designers are usually ones to avoid: Oakley, Boyle and Richelle. I do suggest for those men that don’t necessarily have confidence in their choices to stick to classic aviators or if you’re really in the mood to impress, try Ray-Ban Wayfarers.
So please, in the future, strut your stuff while showing a little more face.