November 30, 2014

BIG RED AMBITION | The 10 Least Satisfying Things Every Cornellian Should Do

Print More

By CAITLAN SUSSMAN

Cornell is full of new experiences: Some incredibly rewarding, and others not really advisable, but unavoidable all the same. Some days you’ll curse Ithaca and everything it stands for, but in the end you’ll look back on your time here and realize that you wouldn’t have traded these experiences for anything. This week I have complied 10 items from the list of 161 Things Every Cornellian Should Do that are the least satisfying to complete, but that will make you say, “Yup, that’s why I love Cornell.”

10. Make a chalking; weep when it rains that night

Why so unsatisfying?

You spent two hours of your time helping your friend chalk for who-knows-what a capella group’s concert, and all that hard work is gone!

Best done with

A friend with whom you can lament your misfortune, preferably the one who enlisted your help with chalking in the first place.

On the bright side…

In a few years, you won’t remember the post-chalking agony, only the good times you had with your best friend, and how awesome that concert turned out to be.

9. Get asked if you are pregnant at Gannett (males and females)

Why so unsatisfying?

Girls: “No, I won’t be featuring in the remake of Teen Mom. Thanks for asking. For the fifth time.”

Boys: “Nurse, did you even study biology in college?”

Best done with

Your most exasperated facial expression and a subtle eye roll for good measure

On the bright side…

Girls, at least it’s good practice for every doctor’s appointment for the rest of our lives. Guys, good news — you’re clear after you leave here!

8. Wait in line for half an hour for a salad at the Terrace

Why so unsatisfying?

Seriously, I’ve had those salads and I’m still not convinced they’re worth the wait.

Best done with

Some music on your iPod to get you through the half-hourwait.

On the bright side…

If you ever want a shorter wait, you can order anything else Terrace has to offer: Try a mozzarella tomato Panini instead — you won’t regret it!

7. Hook up with a freshman

Why so unsatisfying?

They’re almost high schoolers. And if you’re not a freshman, that’s pretty weird.

Best done with

A fellow upperclassman partygoer/friend who can be a voice of reason and prevent your poor life choices before it’s too late.

On the bright side…

If you are a freshman, this is perfectly acceptable.

6. Do the Walk of Shame

Why so unsatisfying?

Walking back from North to West the next morning in your red party dress and heels, you can just feel the judging looks of your peers.

Best done with

A pair of portable flats stuffed into your purse … that walk will absolutely kill your feet otherwise.

On the bright side…

You probably had a great night, and if you didn’t, you may not remember it anyway!

5. Ignore any and all “No Winter Maintenance” signs … slip and fall on the icy stairs

Why so unsatisfying?

It gives “surviving Cornell” a whole new meaning.

Best done with

Some form of warm and waterproof clothing to insulate you from the damp and cold snow and ice — and body padding if available.

But on the bright side…

If you live through your near-death experience, you’ll probably never make the same mistake again. Just kidding, you’ll probably make that mistake at least five more times before you leave here.

4.  Wear flip-flops to class in January

Why so unsatisfying?

This place is too damn cold!

Best done with

Your warmest pair of socks and snow boots to change into immediately after you get to class.

On the bright side…

Your friends will look at you with a new kind of respect and awe (while secretly thinking you’ve gone mad).

3. Run out of BRBs in March; live off campus events’ free food for the rest of the year

Why so unsatisfying?

You’ll have to go hungry for the next two months, and your parents will most likely have no sympathy.

Best done with

A supply of pre-bought saltine crackers to last you several months, and a few dozen boxes of instant ramen.

On the bright side…

If you have a Cornell Card account, all is not lost (sorry, Mom and Dad!).

2. Wake up at 7 a.m. for CoursEnroll; realize that your choice classes are full anyway

Why?

Every semester you wake up promptly at 6:45 a.m. and log into Student Center at exactly 7:00 a.m., only to find that none, not a single one of your classes is still open. What’s even the point?

Best done with

A box of tissues near your computer screen … you’re going to need them as you sob your heart out at another failed CoursEnroll.

On the bright side…

You probably would have switched out of every one of those classes by the end of Add/Drop anyway.

1. Bomb a prelim

Why?

A sad reality for every Cornell student, and by far the most unsatisfying experience anyone can have here. You may have studied your butt off, you may not have studied at all, but either way that professor is out to get you.

Best done with

Your best exam sweatpants. If you’re going to bomb a prelim, why not do it in style?

On the bright side

“So I see you didn’t do very well on your Biology exam freshman year … do you have anything to say for yourself?” said no employer EVER. No one will care about how you did on that prelim in the real world, so don’t let one small mishap define your time here. Make the most of what Cornell has to offer — no matter how unsatisfying these things may feel at the time. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

Caitlan Sussman is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She may be reached at csussman@cornellsun.com.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *