April 30, 2009

The Next Best Thing to Slope Day: Beyoncé in Paris

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As a stand-in for Slope Day, and as a pre-celebration to the most important holiday of my year (my birthday), I’m seeing Beyoncé do her thing at Bercy Stadium on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th for all of you gringos). RING THE ALARM! It will be a veritable fiesta.
I’ve been thinking about this show for a long time — nearly my whole semester — because I’ve had the tickets since December, and five months is a lot of delayed gratification.
(By the way, if you think I was over-zealous in purchasing early, you know the tickets would have sold out if I didn’t pounce. Regardless of the French’s stereotypical snootiness, I’ll be damned if they don’t wanna get down with B, too.)
Anyway, since I’ve been thinking about this show for so long, I’ve needed some inspiration to keep my excitement at a fevered pitch.
So, I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos.
… A lot of them. There are over seven pages of results when one searches “Single Ladies Beyoncé” alone. Within those thousands of results, there are a few gems that have been circulating the Internet — those which you’ve already probably seen or heard about: the overweight guy doing his thing, Justin Timberlake doing his thing, the single man doing “Single Ladies” and Shane Marcado doing his thing on national television in front of a green screen. But have you seen the little girl named Arianna do “Single Ladies”?
She does the “Single Ladies dance” with a little girl’s tentative lack of swagger — she’s got an incredible amount of confidence for the hip-shake and pound-walk, except that she does it all slightly off-beat. It’s impressive and cute, and found its way onto E!, probably for being so stinking impressive and cute. And then there are the kids who go beyond Arianna’s ability, exuding a near fright-inducing level of swag.
For example, have you seen the “Dance Moves that Rock!” series? It’s of two little kids, a big bro and a lil’ sis, dancing to Top 40 hits in their living room / basement. While the little girl is basically unconcerned with the lyrics and is more content with bouncing around the room, the boy is a precociously aware and well-coordinated dancer. He dances to “Low” by Flo Rida, “Boom Boom Pow” by Black Eyed Peas and “The Whisper Song” by The Ying Yang Twins — morally questionable songs for them to dance to, certainly. But regardless of the brother’s level of song-consciousness, let’s focus back onto the matter at hand: his dance moves.
He could be the new Darren of Darren’s Dance Grooves fame. There, I said it. For one thing, he’s really, really good at the robot. And the worm. And he does this really aggressive fist pump that might just be the dance wave of the future. He’s especially fond of slapping his own ass wherever appropriate, like after the lyrics “boom” and “give that big booty a slap,” which is an obvious childish appropriation and misunderstanding of Flo Rida’s nuanced lyric. For instance, once, he slaps his he-booty after the lyric, “… with the Reeboks with the straps,” which only proves my point more.
I’m not usually one for doing the ad hominem thing, but let me put on the table for discussion his resemblance to a younger version of an O’Doyle from Adam Sandler’s movie, Billy Madison. Plus, does he pump iron?
So, what else can I say? He’s got enviable club-ready dance moves to match the club bangas he’s dancing to. And it wouldn’t be incorrect to say that I am jealous of said red-haired, seven (?) year-old boy’s dance moves. I wish I had his spunk, energy and imagination so that I could go all-out when I see Beyoncé at Bercy.
In summation, little kids are really impressionable when it comes to pop culture (go figure). Some of them are freakishly good dancers (Ginger O’Doyle), and some of them are just cute (Arianna). Some people have no shame when it comes to online embarrassment (the thousands of people who posts videos of themselves dancing to Beyoncé in a unitard on YouTube). Finally, I am ready for my pseudo-Slope Day to be realized (I’m “Crazy in Love” with B).
So on that note, have a happy and safe Slope Day, Cornell, and if any of you remember T.I. from two years ago, just think, “Well, at least the Pussycat Dolls’ DJ doesn’t have an AK-47 sound effect.”

See these video gems for yourself at these addresses:
Arianna (PIP with Beyonce’s music video): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbjR5HVKkWc
Dance Moves that Rock! — “Low”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxfe8YTd6N4
“Whisper Song”: http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=5n9YslsI4CU
“Boom Boom Pow”: http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=YIbFB112AtI