No, I’m not talking about the 2003 Amanda Bynes romcom. That is a masterpiece, though.
Women, especially twenty-something-year-olds, are complex creatures. We contain multitudes, and each of us has our likes, dislikes and preferences — this extends not only to everyday life but also to our relationships and sex lives. Everyone has something that makes them tick.
As a massive fan of TMI, I love talking to my friends about everything and anything. Society says don’t kiss and tell, but we’ve made it an art form. However, most of our non-bechdel passing conversations don’t encompass sex, but relationships.
“Oh? That guy? He’s my husband.”
(We have never spoken.)
“Oh? Him? That’s my boyfriend.”
(He sits in front of me in my 200-person lecture.)
Sure, we have a nasty habit of calling every guy we find attractive our husband, boyfriend or some other non-applicable term of endearment, but again and again, we reiterate that we don’t really want any of that — especially not husbands.
Every time I talk about boys with my friends, it’s the same thing. We go back and forth for a little bit and then decide that we don’t want boyfriends (or husbands) at all. We just want a consistent hookup that also worships the ground we walk on.
I usually bite my tongue, trying not to raise the question if that’s all a boyfriend really is — a guy who hooks up with you consistently while also worshiping the ground you walk on.
I feel as though men are really quick to assume that every girl wants to trap them for life, especially in college. There have been so many times I’ve hooked up with a guy, and before he’s even taken off his shirt, he’s hitting me with a solemn, “Just so you know… I’m not looking for a girlfriend.”
Okay? When did I say I wanted to be that for you? Conceited much?
While girls may be constantly “looking” for a boyfriend, what we’re really “looking” for is a lifestyle supplement. My ideal man is someone who is a consistent booty call and will drag my ass to Duffield when I need to study. I don’t care too much about being taken out, getting my dinner paid for or being whisked away on spontaneous trips. I know for a fact that most of my friends feel the same.
If this is truly what a girl wants — a hookup and some company — why is it so hard to find? Expectations certainly can’t be much lower, and it feels like a guy should want the same thing.
Truthfully, I blame the media. TV, books and movies — coincidentally, those similar to What a Girl Wants — have misled the public into believing that every girl wants a fairytale-perfect boyfriend who exists solely to be charming, adventurous and attached to his girl. For a while, I was convinced that I wanted exactly that.
As complex as twenty-something-year-old women are, we are simultaneously very simple. Fairytales get old fast. That’s why TV shows, books and movies all end. Perfect is boring!
I’d argue that what a girl really wants is something to keep life interesting. That’s why we’re always making stupid decisions, then saying it was all “for the plot,” or another equally lame excuse. What a girl truly wants is a little bit of consistency that’s still fun.
To all the men out there, I encourage you to take a deep breath. No girl is trying to whisk you away and trap you in a relationship against your will. What a girl wants, more than anything, is someone who wants her back.
We also always want what we can’t have, so maybe take my sage advice with a grain of salt, too. Like I said, we’re complex creatures.
Virginia Snatch is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. The Slip ‘N Slide runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.
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