Max Fattal/Sun Associate Editor

March 20, 2024

SEX ON THURSDAY | Let’s All Get Naked

Print More

I love the way the air feels as it caresses my taint. The sensuality of the open air tickling my balls. One thing you should know about me is that I love being nude. Any chance I have to strip, I’ll take it. It’s so freeing and amazing. Ugh (crying face emoji). I love it.

The first time I got naked outside was with my friends in my junior year of high school. We went to a park by my house on our wine night. After drinking over a bottle of wine each, we rode our bikes up a hill in the center of the park. From this hill, we could see lights emanating from the Toronto skyline, just 30 miles across Lake Ontario. Lights that would soon twinkle on my balls.

Feeling drunk and spontaneous, I stripped my clothes and started sprinting down the hill with my friends in hot pursuit. This sparked something deep down inside me — I became a serial nudist.

The Cold and The Gross

Since then I have skinny-dipped in countless different locations, some places more awesome and much cooler than others. I’m from Buffalo so let’s just say I’m used to the cold. I’ve gone in ponds and lakes when the air temperature is just above freezing, and in some nasty spots too. Safe to say I’m comfortable with a shriveled sack. 

The school I transferred from has a retention lake that is so indescribably gross from mountains of goose poop and other gross environmental factors. This causes the lake to have a tangy odor and color. Being the sick individual that I am, I still went swimming in it of course! After finals last fall, my friend and I went dipping despite the 40-degree weather.

Afterwards, the intense fear of brain-eating amoeba left us nonverbal in her room for a long while. In hindsight, this is probably something we should have thought about before, but Google came to the rescue and reassured us we were in the clear.

The Hot and The Sandy

When I studied abroad in Spain last summer, I did a solo trip to a village just a mile south of France. I just wanted a silly beach trip, but to my surprise, the only beach there was a nude one. I’m all for getting naked, but I was scared I would get deported if I was caught naked. In the spirit of you’re only in Spain once, I took off all my clothes and tanned my balls and butt hole in the sun. Freeing. Apparently, if you tan your butt hole you get more vitamin D. Of course I put this to the test. I also did a cheeky naked swim in the Mediterranean.

That Other Ivy

My more recent adventure may have been a little over the edge. Over February break I visited one of my best friends from home at his school, Dartmouth College. I didn’t know a lot about the place upon arrival, but I knew the Big Green liked doing things naked. After getting black-out drunk my first night there, I asked some mutual friends if they would go streaking with me. We ran naked through the main quad, turning onto their “frat row.” I remember passing groups of people while my nuts swayed in the wind as I ran.

After that, things got crazy. The guy I went streaking with took me into his frat through the front door while we were still naked. There were so many people just standing around. Guys… So many people saw my bare meat. I’m not ashamed or anything but I am still in shock. 🙁 The frat also has a picture of me walking into the house naked on their ring camera…Win some, lose most! 

Now back to the Cornell campus; We need to do more stuff naked! To my knowledge, every other Ivy League school has naked traditions. For example, Yale’s naked parties. Where are our nude-friendly events? How about a naked run up the slope? The suggestions go on and on. Our alumni have failed us on this, but we as the young, powerful Cornell students we are can make a tradition that’ll last the rest of Cornell’s history.

Let your balls free.

Stevie Dicks is a second-year student in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. His fortnightly column Ballads of a Lonely Twink chronicles a young gay man’s search for love.

Have a story to share?  The Cornell Daily Sun is interested in publishing a broad and diverse set of content from the Cornell and greater Ithaca community. We want to hear what you have to say about this topic or any of our pieces. Here are some guidelines on how to submit. And here’s our email: [email protected].