Dan: Last year, arts editors Pete Buonanno ’21 and Jeremy Markus ’22 published the first Arts Department Valentine’s Day Spectacular to rave reviews, at least from my mother, who now only knows Jeremy as the Single One who enjoys staring at the wall. I actually got asked out by my current girlfriend during an arts department meeting after whining that Pete and Jeremy didn’t include me in last year’s edition, which just goes to show you that good things always happen the more you complain.
Jeremy: While Pete has since moved on to a better place (i.e. the Opinion Department), we luckily have another taken, blonde-hair-dye, Charlotte-bred, Kanye stan assistant arts editor waiting in the wings, with Dan Moran ’21 to complement my existentialism.
Jeremy: I’m recovering from a recent bout of the flu (although, it was diagnosed by Cornell Health, so it could have been anything from the common cold to ebola), so I’ve had a lot of time to watch television in preparation for this column. The Lonely Island-produced Alone Together — they really whack you over the top of the head with the loneliness theme — would seem appropriate for this holiday, but it really wasn’t my cup of tea (I like eucalyptus mint; it helped open up my sinuses). I also started watching Netflix’s new “reality” dating TV series, The Circle. It’s strangely addicting, but nobody acts like an actual human on the show. I’d leave that in the Uncanny Valley and never look back.
If you’re actually looking to distract yourself this Friday, I’d highly recommend Veronica Mars. Kristen Bell stars as a smart, independent, sassy detective with enough laughs and intrigue to keep you compelled until the clock strikes midnight and chocolate at CVS is 75 percent off.
Dan: My grandfather was a dentist and since that’s partially paying for my college, I don’t really rock with the discounted valentines candy like that. But I do rock with music that’s sweet, so if you’re looking for background music while you do other things, try Bebey by Theophilus London. Or, if you’re too quick to get through an entire album, try the songs “You In January” by The Wonder Years, “The Fifties” by You Blew It! or Frank Ocean’s cover of “Moon River.”
I’m happily cuffed — or as happily as you can be when you’re on SSRIs — and I am here to tell you that we will be spending our evening the way it’s meant to be spent: watching Gossip Girl and eating sushi.
I’d now like to end this with a poem I wrote in high school about Valentine’s Day:
Roses are red
Lilies are white
I can’t wait to kiss
So many men tonight
Jeremy Markus is a single, 5’8” sophomore in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences who can bench press 225 pounds now. You can ask him out at email@example.com. Dan Moran is a cuffed junior in the College of Human Ecology, and although he is not single, he would like to emphasize that he is six feet tall with shoes on. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.