Columns

PARK | The ILR-Human Ecology Merger: Let’s Not

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When the Committee on Organizational Structures in the Social Sciences recommended that the College of Human Ecology and the School of Industrial and Labor Relations combine, I laughed at the thought of HBHS students in Labor Law and ILR students in any science class besides Oceanography. Now that it may become a reality, it’s much less funny. The Student Assembly and former Deans of the ILR School already expressed their opposition to the merger on the grounds of cultural differences and practical difficulties. From the perspective of a sophomore ILR student, I understand the impetus to lump together all the Bachelor of Science majors that have very little to do with science, but I’d like to politely say “no thank you.”

For anyone who has ever asked an ILR student what Industrial and Labor Relations is, and sat through the resultant verbal diarrhea regarding a human perspective to the workforce or regurgitation of quotes from the ILR site, they know that we’re pretty confused here in Ives Hall. We are a collection of high school presidents, debaters, Model U.N. delegates and social justice activists who fell in love with the promise of “one major, endless possibilities” and have absolutely no desire to take pre-med classes.

Columns

PARK | Former Trump Staffers: Where Are They Now?

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Ever wonder what happens to the discarded frogs from Trump’s drained swamp? It seems that quite a few of President Trump’s cabinet members have fallen from his good graces. Perhaps he overstated his access to the best people, best managers and best dealmakers — or he hasn’t been able to shed his love for firing people. As an ILR student, I know that his hundreds of vacancies and record-setting turnover rates can indicate crippling inadequacies in the strategic management of his administration. But let’s not worry ourselves with such silly speculation.

Columns

PARK | On Happiness and Success

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As intelligent, young Ivy League students, we seem to know it all. We know how to tackle complicated economic models, apply thermodynamic analysis and develop successful medical practices. And where our classes lack, our countless pre-professional organizations fill in the gaps to teach us how to capitalize on our assets, develop our career goals, and move up in this world. But when it comes to filling our lives with meaning, finding fulfillment and happiness in the real world, we don’t have a clue. We view happiness as a byproduct of success, rather than the means through which we get there.

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PARK | A Tinder Cover Letter

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To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Chad, 22, and I am a student at Cornell University only two miles away. I’ve had the pleasure of looking through your photos and deeming you worthy of the highest honor, my personal seal of attractiveness, a right swipe, and I am interested in pursuing the position of Your Romantic Suitor. My colorful personality, relevant experience, and chiseled physique make me an outstanding candidate to serve your needs. To help you get to know me better, I’ve provided you with a unique and varied canon of photos that display the many facets of my personality. First and foremost, I am an artist.

Columns

PARK | A Sorority Rush Conversation

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Welcome to Kappa Alpha Delta Theta Sigma Epsilon Phi! This is my home and I hope we have impressed you with our color-coordinated outfits and synchronized song. Can I take your coat? It will give me a chance to check the label as well as determine your worth by the proportions of your body and value of your clothes. So tell me about yourself!

Columns

GUEST ROOM | Dear Dude From the Crime Report

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Dear white male, around 6 feet tall, 180 pounds, flabby, with dark hair and a scruffy beard,

Hey. How are you? No, I really mean that. I heard you got punched in the face. I know you must have been so surprised that the girl you tried to assault reacted the way she did.