Attention Lazy Fucks: Cornell Opens Walk-Thru Dining Hall

Despite the treacherous winter weather and scary Ithaca Walmart, we really are lucky to go to a school with such innovative minds. Where else could you get a Chinese takeout on the move as you rush to fail your math prelim? Where else could you quickly find a salad after being canceled for answering a provocative Big Red Heads question? The new walk-thru Dining Hall is state of the art, and will offer countless benefits to the Cornell student body. 

Tenure: How Cornell Prepares the Next Generation of Academics

“I think Cornell understands that permanent tenured faculty are healthier for the institution, and provide a better classroom experience that ultimately results in better student learning outcomes,” said Professor Adam Smith, archaeology.