SEX ON THURSDAY | The Power in Polygamy

Will you ever find “the one?” Probably not, so stop being a sucker and start enjoying the pleasant world of polygamy. Now you can have all of your sexual and romantic desires fulfilled whenever is most convenient to you, “albeit in a three-unit form,” Brat Baby.

ONONYE | Dear Cornell, Save the Snow Days

I never experienced a snow day until I came to Cornell, which puts me at a whopping two days. For many Northeastern students, those two days are less than they typically expected in one year of elementary school. On top of that, I have (to my utter embarrassment) spent both of those snow days studying. 

My lack of understanding and participation in “snow day festivities” probably makes me both the best and worst person to write an op-ed urging administrators to keep snow days regardless of Cornell’s COVID-adapted online teaching modalities. My first snow day was the Monday after Thanksgiving, my sophomore year. Having arrived back on that Sunday, I used it as a catch up day on all the work that I had “accidentally chosen” not to do while at home in Southern California.

LORENZEN | Returning to Cornell with a Book Full of Recipes

My thoughts tend to drift to home nowadays. It’s not out of nostalgia or homesickness. It’s out of appreciation. I’ve been in Ithaca for three weeks now after spending last semester in Miami studying remotely. And the reason why these three weeks have gone so well is directly because I was home last semester.

BERNSTEIN | A Plea to Professors: Give an A for Participation

This piece is a plea to professors: Keep the participation grade on your syllabus if you otherwise would, but don’t bother grading it. Give an A. Some of your students need it, all of them deserve it, and it really is your duty to do so. Entering our third semester of the COVID-19 era and the second of the school year, the most obvious academic takeaway for students and teachers alike is clear: Online school sucks. I know that’s a cold take, but it’s painfully true. Although it has great benefits of spreading information and making an education more accessible, virtual school just can’t compare to the real thing.