Frankly, I find it ridiculous that The Sun’s opinion section keeps refusing to publish my guest articles. I have, like, some good ideas. I’m thinking about stuff that no one’s willing to talk about. Like, what about “GUEST ROOM | Gay Son or Thot Daughter?” sounds so unpublishable? My boys and I get frosted and talk about stuff like that all the time. It’s stuff people actually want to read about. Like, it’s lowkey a hard question right?
Every day I seem to crave the euphoric feeling that only marijuana can provide. I can feel the boundaries of myself dissipate, as I become one with the world — I don’t know where I begin or where I end…I inhale and exhale. I start to receive glances as people crane their necks to see who’s blazing up on the slope. Well, that stoner is me and this is my story.
Against popular opinion, I must say I am truly enjoying all of the content you are publishing. From topics on free speech to Greek life — you’re doing it all. And you’re doing it poignantly. That being said, I need you to relax this week. All these serious topics on local and national events is, how do I put this, killing my vibe. Today is perhaps the most important national holiday after St. Patrick’s Day. I know how important your job is, but could you possibly consider taking the day off today? Maybe meet me on the slope for a quick smoke and I can pitch you my idea on why twinkies are the best drug day snack.
If there’s one phrase that makes me think of college, it’s definitely “find yourself.” I know this sounds strange, but I’m here to show the world the definitely real truth about Bill Nye’s college experience. Surprisingly, Bill Nye entered Cornell having not yet “found himself.” Believe it or not, Bill entered Cornell in the Dyson school as a business major, and after working for hours in Mann library, became known as Bill Nye the BusinessMann. After being rejected from every business club on campus — despite his ability to make beautiful powerpoints that he considered to be a form of artwork and mode of personal expression — Nye decided to dabble in the humanities.
He eased himself into the field by taking English classes. Though he wasn’t particularly drawn to any literary works, he developed an unrivaled and somewhat annoying knack for rhyme, as he was captivated by verse poetry, becoming known as Bill Nye the English Guy. He was then advised to try writing for The Sun by a professor.
The Board of Trustees approved the second English department name change in just over two months — trailblazing from the Department of Literatures in English to the Department of English: Get Lit.
President Martha Pollack announced Friday morning that Cornell will once again move back to a green alert on campus because “we felt like it,” Pollack wrote in a statement to the Cornell community.
The Slope Day Programming Board has announced in an interesting twist that the McGraw Tower, will come alive to headline this year’s festival with a three-hour set.
